Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Fashion poverty

Forgive me Father (of my Natwest overdraft), for I have sinned.

Whilst I am not yet a millionaire, I have recently been promoted at work (another excuse for not blogging nearly enough) and the last six months have been the first in years that I have been bringing in a full-time salary. After a long stint of interning for free at every magazine I could get into, I eventually gave up and sacrificed my dream of being a journalist and got a "proper job". And consequently, have since sacrificed my salary to the mercy of the great British high street. *Gok Wan face*
It's becoming a problem. My shopping habit has gone into overdrive. But before you judge me for my frivolous spending, let me remind you that I am still recovering from the trauma of actually having to walk into the fashion department of one of the most respected newspapers in the country wearing the SAME OUTFIT MORE THAN ONCE. Because I couldn't afford to buy any new clothes!
Let's see you get through that and then not have to make up for lost time HUH? HUH? Ahem. Anyway. I thought I'd share with you my recent purchases to get me through the summer. (/next two weeks till pay day). *excuse the ebay-style rubbish photo's. They were taken on my blackberry. If I wasn't in my pyjamas then I may have considered modelling the clothes for you. But I am. So I won't.)

Floral pencil skirt
The story of this skirt is a classic shopaholic tale. I saw a pair of trousers in the H&M print adverts which had this floral print on, which I fell in love with and just had to have. I searched far and wide in every H&M store I came across (which, granted, was only three but still) and couldn't find them. They were sold out online. Any shopaholic will know that the words "sold out" only exacerbates the desire to have something. I was getting a smidge frenzied about the whole thing so to numb the pain, I bought the pencil skirt with the same print. I'm bloody glad I did because pencil skirts and florals maketh an "all-round banging spring going out outfit" (I'll patent that name,). It's a super soft stretchy cotton so not as binding as my other party clothes (my last pencil skirt was leopard print satin. Which sounds heinous but it was so gorgeous that I sacrificed breathing for the whole night. That there, is fashion). There's an exposed zip at the back of the skirt which I have loved ever since Victoria Beckham had them trailing down all her dresses. And as VB knows, exposed zips are really slimming on your bum. (Which I really need as it does kind of look like sometimes I'm carrying around someone elses arse. Oh the joys of being pear-shaped).
Crop top
The first rule of the crop tops is to... NEVER TALK ABOUT CROP TOPS. OK, its not. The first and only rule is to only EVER wear them with something high-waisted on the bottom half. If you're going to expose midriff it has to be the section above your belly button and around your rib cage (e.g. the thinner bit. Food babies need to stay hidden). They might look a bit terrifying but this one is so tight it even gives my tiny boobs a bit of cleave. It also will give the illusion of longer legs (which obviously I don't need, standing at a massively elegant 5ft 4. Pffft.).
Floral trousers
The story of the pencil skirt has a wonderful happy ending. I only went AND FOUND THEM! You should have seen me... I was actually in a different shop across the other side of the shopping mall when I spied them on the table at the front of H&M. I dashed in, maniacally searched through all the sizes only to find they only had size 12's and 6's left. BASTARDS. There was obviously a lot of other size 10 girls with excellent taste in Reading who had got there first. Fear not though, my wonderful Mother found a size 10 pair rocking round another rail at the back of the shop. And lo, me and the ridiculous flower trousers lived happily ever after.
Boucle jacket
CHANEL-LO! Anything that looks remotely like it could be Chanel but costs £25 is being purchased by moi, immediately, no questions asked. I don't even know how to pronounce the name of this jacket which means it must be ultra chic. All I know is that it's the only jacket I've bought in recent times that has made me forfeit my normal leather biker that I wear all the time.
Peter pan collar t-shirt
Deep down inside me, there's this blingy "Jenny from the block" chavtastic wannabe who just wants to vajazzle the shit out of everything I own. Constantly drawn to shiny things (hence the very name of this blog), I had to buy this peter pan collar t-shirt. It is let down by it's smock shape (which really doesn't work unless you want to look bigger than your are) so I'm having it taken in. But the peter pan collar has satsified my need to crystallise something for a while and it's vajazzled up a pair of pink jeans quite nicely.

Chanel-style shorts
Every single item hanging in Zara this season I want. Every single item. Every time I walk in there it's like I've died and gone to a candy and pastel, lace and boucle heaven. I've yet to wear them, what with the weather being so delightful of late, but I could not leave the shop without these shorts. They are perfect.
Neon pink pleated midi skirt
Remember a year ago when the Whistle's Carrie skirt came out and everyone went completely mental for it and it sold out in seconds? No. Well I do. It was well over £100 but when I first laid eyes on said skirt on the Fashion Assistant at Woman Magazine, I had to have it. So did everyone else though and there was just no getting hold of the thing, so I put it to the back of my mind, bought a coral one from Boohoo as a crappy substitute and went on my merry way.
Well, imagine my shock when I wondered into New Look the other day only to find their sale rail was stuffed full of a skirt almost identical to the Whistle's Carrie one. BUT FOR 8 POUNDS. I was so overwhelmed I had to take a seat. Then asked the Sales Assistant if the 8 drawn on the label meant the skirt was £8 or a size 8. Before she could say it was 8 pounds I was already hurtling towards the till.

Yellow jeans
Accompanying me at the till with the neon pleated skirt, was these gorgeous canary yellow jeans. I love the zip detailing on the hips. £9!!! Seriously, I'm hyperventaliating just reliving the whole bargain bonanza.

Car print dress
In the Prada vs Primark debate, obviously Prada would win every single time but since the car print dresses that pounded down the runway are not £12, like this one below from Primark was, I'll have to accept that the bargain bin is where I belong.

Mini handbags
Alexa Chung wore a Chanel picnic basket as a handbag a couple of years ago. Therefore I had to buy a straw handbag too because she's awesome and I'm a sheep. The pink one I bought just because it's adorbs.

Leopard print jacket
I have nothing to say except it's leopard print, vulgar, ridiculous and the most fabulous thing I've worn in a long time.
So there you have it. A grand tale that ends in my poverty. Yeah ok, if I don't stop shopping soon, I may end up living on the street. But I'll look really good whilst doing it at least.