Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Fashion poverty

Forgive me Father (of my Natwest overdraft), for I have sinned.

Whilst I am not yet a millionaire, I have recently been promoted at work (another excuse for not blogging nearly enough) and the last six months have been the first in years that I have been bringing in a full-time salary. After a long stint of interning for free at every magazine I could get into, I eventually gave up and sacrificed my dream of being a journalist and got a "proper job". And consequently, have since sacrificed my salary to the mercy of the great British high street. *Gok Wan face*
It's becoming a problem. My shopping habit has gone into overdrive. But before you judge me for my frivolous spending, let me remind you that I am still recovering from the trauma of actually having to walk into the fashion department of one of the most respected newspapers in the country wearing the SAME OUTFIT MORE THAN ONCE. Because I couldn't afford to buy any new clothes!
Let's see you get through that and then not have to make up for lost time HUH? HUH? Ahem. Anyway. I thought I'd share with you my recent purchases to get me through the summer. (/next two weeks till pay day). *excuse the ebay-style rubbish photo's. They were taken on my blackberry. If I wasn't in my pyjamas then I may have considered modelling the clothes for you. But I am. So I won't.)

Floral pencil skirt
The story of this skirt is a classic shopaholic tale. I saw a pair of trousers in the H&M print adverts which had this floral print on, which I fell in love with and just had to have. I searched far and wide in every H&M store I came across (which, granted, was only three but still) and couldn't find them. They were sold out online. Any shopaholic will know that the words "sold out" only exacerbates the desire to have something. I was getting a smidge frenzied about the whole thing so to numb the pain, I bought the pencil skirt with the same print. I'm bloody glad I did because pencil skirts and florals maketh an "all-round banging spring going out outfit" (I'll patent that name,). It's a super soft stretchy cotton so not as binding as my other party clothes (my last pencil skirt was leopard print satin. Which sounds heinous but it was so gorgeous that I sacrificed breathing for the whole night. That there, is fashion). There's an exposed zip at the back of the skirt which I have loved ever since Victoria Beckham had them trailing down all her dresses. And as VB knows, exposed zips are really slimming on your bum. (Which I really need as it does kind of look like sometimes I'm carrying around someone elses arse. Oh the joys of being pear-shaped).
Crop top
The first rule of the crop tops is to... NEVER TALK ABOUT CROP TOPS. OK, its not. The first and only rule is to only EVER wear them with something high-waisted on the bottom half. If you're going to expose midriff it has to be the section above your belly button and around your rib cage (e.g. the thinner bit. Food babies need to stay hidden). They might look a bit terrifying but this one is so tight it even gives my tiny boobs a bit of cleave. It also will give the illusion of longer legs (which obviously I don't need, standing at a massively elegant 5ft 4. Pffft.).
Floral trousers
The story of the pencil skirt has a wonderful happy ending. I only went AND FOUND THEM! You should have seen me... I was actually in a different shop across the other side of the shopping mall when I spied them on the table at the front of H&M. I dashed in, maniacally searched through all the sizes only to find they only had size 12's and 6's left. BASTARDS. There was obviously a lot of other size 10 girls with excellent taste in Reading who had got there first. Fear not though, my wonderful Mother found a size 10 pair rocking round another rail at the back of the shop. And lo, me and the ridiculous flower trousers lived happily ever after.
Boucle jacket
CHANEL-LO! Anything that looks remotely like it could be Chanel but costs £25 is being purchased by moi, immediately, no questions asked. I don't even know how to pronounce the name of this jacket which means it must be ultra chic. All I know is that it's the only jacket I've bought in recent times that has made me forfeit my normal leather biker that I wear all the time.
Peter pan collar t-shirt
Deep down inside me, there's this blingy "Jenny from the block" chavtastic wannabe who just wants to vajazzle the shit out of everything I own. Constantly drawn to shiny things (hence the very name of this blog), I had to buy this peter pan collar t-shirt. It is let down by it's smock shape (which really doesn't work unless you want to look bigger than your are) so I'm having it taken in. But the peter pan collar has satsified my need to crystallise something for a while and it's vajazzled up a pair of pink jeans quite nicely.

Chanel-style shorts
Every single item hanging in Zara this season I want. Every single item. Every time I walk in there it's like I've died and gone to a candy and pastel, lace and boucle heaven. I've yet to wear them, what with the weather being so delightful of late, but I could not leave the shop without these shorts. They are perfect.
Neon pink pleated midi skirt
Remember a year ago when the Whistle's Carrie skirt came out and everyone went completely mental for it and it sold out in seconds? No. Well I do. It was well over £100 but when I first laid eyes on said skirt on the Fashion Assistant at Woman Magazine, I had to have it. So did everyone else though and there was just no getting hold of the thing, so I put it to the back of my mind, bought a coral one from Boohoo as a crappy substitute and went on my merry way.
Well, imagine my shock when I wondered into New Look the other day only to find their sale rail was stuffed full of a skirt almost identical to the Whistle's Carrie one. BUT FOR 8 POUNDS. I was so overwhelmed I had to take a seat. Then asked the Sales Assistant if the 8 drawn on the label meant the skirt was £8 or a size 8. Before she could say it was 8 pounds I was already hurtling towards the till.

Yellow jeans
Accompanying me at the till with the neon pleated skirt, was these gorgeous canary yellow jeans. I love the zip detailing on the hips. £9!!! Seriously, I'm hyperventaliating just reliving the whole bargain bonanza.

Car print dress
In the Prada vs Primark debate, obviously Prada would win every single time but since the car print dresses that pounded down the runway are not £12, like this one below from Primark was, I'll have to accept that the bargain bin is where I belong.

Mini handbags
Alexa Chung wore a Chanel picnic basket as a handbag a couple of years ago. Therefore I had to buy a straw handbag too because she's awesome and I'm a sheep. The pink one I bought just because it's adorbs.

Leopard print jacket
I have nothing to say except it's leopard print, vulgar, ridiculous and the most fabulous thing I've worn in a long time.
So there you have it. A grand tale that ends in my poverty. Yeah ok, if I don't stop shopping soon, I may end up living on the street. But I'll look really good whilst doing it at least.

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Peace at last

The 26th February to 3rd March marked the annual National Eating Disorder Awareness week. I'm three days late posting this.

I can recall the day very clearly. I woke up at 5am, for the seventh day in a row, with my heart beating so fast I could feel it in my cheeks. Wracked with anxiety and nervousness, my cramping stomach ached so much I was running back and forth from the toilet, gripped with nausea. It took me hours to fall back to sleep and even then it was restless, fitful and unsatisfying. I had been exhausted for a week, my appetite had entirely diminished and my mind – that I appeared to be ever-so-slowly losing - were utterly consumed with the people and memories that I had lost.

Suddenly, my social life is lacking in exciting things to do, I have nothing to look forward to and the lonliness I’m feeling is taking over my life. That morning, I found a carton of milk in one of my kitchen cupboards where I keep my mugs, warm from where I had distractedly misplaced it hours earlier. An all-too-familiar feeling began to overwhelm me. My brain feels likes it been poisoned. And I realise that, once again, depression has taken over me.

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Golden Globes: A Progress Report

First things first. I'm sorry for my absence from the blogging world. You see, Christmas happened, then New Year happened and then January happened and then going back to work happened and then comfort eating happened and then lack of sleep happened and then my expanding waistline happened and then general uncertainity about life happen and then... oh, oh...I appear to be suffering from depression again. Ah January. Anyone for a Venlafaxine?

Yesterday, as I sat with my head in my ever-so-dry-from-the-awful-weather-and-unmanicured-due-to-no-money hands, I was beginning to think there was no hope at all. Would February ever arrive?
Then I saw it... the tweets about the nominees of the Golden Globes... oh my god, IT'S AWARD SEASON!!!! I had been so preoccupied with my own misery and the incredibly-difficult-to-get-through Black Monday that I had forgotten it was my favourite festive season! Forget Christmas or chocolatey Easter, Award Season gives me the joys like no other time of year! *Avid Merrion face*

Sunday, 18 December 2011

Goodbye to 2011

I love a good list. I have lists coming out of my ears. I have about a 20 lists in the memo pad on my phone: what clothes I want to buy, what music I need to download, which films I want to rent, present ideas for people... And my job pretty much revolves around making lists too. So it’s good that I just ruddy love them!

New Years to me is just another excuse to make a list.

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Beauty on a budget: Superdrug's MUA Professional range

In the last 6 weeks I have moved house and jobs AND country (it's only Wales mind you, but it's across water so it counts) so needless to say my beauty regime has taken a back seat. I know, not great for the Beauty Magpie to admit but I figured no one knows me here so no one can comment that I "look tired" if I go without eyeliner or fake tan). 

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Beauty Icons and Girl Crushes of 2011

Every other day there seems to be a headline or article slating female celebrities for what they wear and what they weigh. And I'm sick of it! So unlike the Daily Mail or Dan Wootton or any other bitchy journalist out there, I do not intend to end 2011 on a negative note with a run down on who could have done or looked better. Instead I plan to support the sisterhood and celebrate my biggest beauty icons of this year. Because whether you're a big fan of them, or not at all, at least we can probably all agree that 2011 would have been a much uglier place without them.

Friday, 18 November 2011

The Essex Factor: "BIB"

I suffer from a pretty inconvenient illness. It isn't rare mind you, you've probably even encountered it yourself. You only have to turn on the television and see the girls from The Only Way is Essex and you know you're in the presence of this all-consuming problem. Because doctors have yet to recognise this really serious affliction (I mean, honestly) I've taken medical matters into my own hands and named it 'BIB' - BIGGER IS BETTER (no, not like that you naughty slags).