Gentlemen: read this and get more sex.

A wise woman once said, "I don't wanna be a traitor to my generation and all but I don't get how guys dress today. It's like they just fell out of bed, put on some baggy pants, take their greasy hair and cover it with a backwards cap and we're expected to swoon? I don't think so!" This wise woman was Cher from the 90s film Clueless. Granted she ended up falling for a gay guy in the film but whatever, when it comes to grooming, girlfriend knew her stuff.

A couple of weeks ago I took no less than 2 and a half hours to get ready for a night out. This may seem rather excessive but I love it and my efforts were rewarded with a couple of compliments which made me feel pretty good. Anyway, on said night out I took a look around me and was rather disappointed to see that the majority of men in the club I was in had not made as much effort. Correction: any effort. Most of them looked like they hadn't even glanced in the mirror before they'd left the house. Now I'm not saying that a man should be spending hours on grooming prior to a night out but a little effort wouldn't go amiss fellas.

Pale but not interesting

I went to Ibiza a couple of weeks ago and whilst it was arguably the best week of my life, there were some beauty issues that I faced. And I came to a rather horrifying conclusion: IT'S BLOODY DIFFICULT TO LOOK GOOD ON HOLIDAY. Most people go on holiday, get a tan, their freckles pop out, their teeth look whiter, their hair gets that gorgeous beachy wave and if nothing else, everyone looks great because they're so bloody relaxed and happy.

No Poo: beauty's dirtiest little secret

My blonde hair lasted a whole 12 days. I momentarily cured my blondarexia and replaced it with an even more worrying disease - DYEAREXIA. (OK, that's not a real thing but it is now). I decided to go dark again but then went dye crazy, turning it a multitude of colours, including one that was, unfortunately, reminiscent of that horrendous hue Cheryl Cole sported last year (you remember the red, right? Bleurrgghh). In a frenzy I decided to strip it of all the dye again (a very long process) and before finally settling on a colour that is very close to my natural shade (I think. It's been a while since I've seen it).
So it's safe to say, my hair was in a total state.

Your rolled up sleeves and your skull t-shirt

Despite the insensitive rows that broke out over Twitter about Amy Winehouse's untimely demise and whether or not "she had it coming", she certainly made her mark on the world in her short life. Of course with her incredible singing voice and poignant lyrics but for me, she'll be remembered for her quirky individual style.

Lashtastic

The first time I wore false eyelashes was in 2006. It took me about an hour and a half to get them onto my eyes and even then they were half way up my eyes and kind of made me look like a droopy-eyed cartoon character. Nevertheless, I was hooked. As was the rest of the world it seemed. Thanks to Cheryl Cole's bambi eye's appearing on our TV screens every week on X Factor, everyone went nuts for falsies. Last month Debenhams said the sales of fake eyelashes soared by 1322% of fake eyelashes ahead of prom and festival season. Short, blonde normal eyelashes JUST WON'T DO ANYMORE!

Blondarexia: totally addicted to bleach

Blondarexia: Being so addicted to bleaching your hair that it's almost white, flat, monochromatic and burnt to a frazzle.

No Pizza before Beefa

In less than 6 weeks I am going to Ibiza!!!!! I am so beyond excited I can barely contain myself!!!! Hence everything being followed with so many EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!

However, my excitement was ever-so-slighty tainted by a wee bit of panic. I looked in the mirror and had that realisation that if I don't do anything quickly then I won't be looking like Megan Fox in a bikini when the end of August rolls round. (Or never will. BUT, HEY, I CAN DREAM).